The Hosts
In our experience, the core essential to any great club has been the hosts/hostesses. There is no set formula to who they have to be, but the hosts will set the tone for the club more than anything else. So I’m starting with them.
[I’m going to give another glimpse into who ran our first swing club. Please refer to our story #5. In it we share what it was like experiencing a club for the first time and what we as marriage counselors learned there over the first year.]
Ok, back to “them”... I’m generally referring to a couple or possibly a close group of couples. Our first club was run by Eddy and Eva, well actually mostly Eva. Eddy maintained the facility and kept adding to it. He was kinda a grump! Eva vetted the attendees prior to coming to the parties and if she approved or if she felt you were ready to come, she gave you directions to a convenience store way out in the country. From there you called on the pay phone, the night of the party, and she gave you the final directions. Their house was really out in “the sticks.” You actually had to go the last half mile on a rough two track road to find their house. Once there, the entire yard, front and back, was packed with cars!
I called the club weeks before we went and talked to Eva. I had a ton of questions and they were mostly about what I was getting Ashley into if I brought her out there. Eva understood my concerns very well and was incredibly reassuring. So we went. When we arrived, she greeted the two of us at the door and soon we were handed off to her most trusted core group couple. They not only showed us around but hung with us most of the night. Eva also came by and talked too as she often ended up being a counselor to the new people on their first night there and sometimes well into the coming months. She was terrific and a great listener... Italian, about 100#s overweight, but still sexy with massive boobs and a killer smile... but most importantly a great cook! When any new couple thought about coming back, they would be thinking of coming back to “Eddy and Eva’s place” vs just coming back to a swing club. That is a very important distinction.
We have found over the years that if a new couple liked the hosts of a club, they were almost always coming back even if they didn’t sexually connect with anyone for several weeks. If you as a couple enjoy people, are compassionate and empathetic, you might consider hosting a party of your own.
In many of my stories I have often stated why we encourage and endorse swinging. If this is your first exposure to our writings then please go read our other stories. You will find in them how we moved into a very sex positive and inclusive lifestyle vs our older legalistic and judgmental ways. We have come to believe that swinging can bring sexuality out into the light like nothing else, educate couples in ways counseling can never do, and often purifies many troublesome dark and driven sexual obsessions.
What does it take?
Do you have to be gorgeous to be a host? Hell no. Eva was maybe 5’3 and weighed north of 200. Everyone loved her because she loved them. Almost every host I’ve known was far from being a model. And... you DON’T have to be a club sexual target because hosts often do not play with new people. Their role is to be the primary eyes and ears of the party and make sure it runs smoothly.
So why would you then want to host parties if you aren’t fucking new people all the time? Well let’s get real about this... I’ve seen club entrance fees run from $40-500 per nite or weekend. That’s why!
Eddy and Eva’s club regularly had 40-50 couples at the Sat night party @ $40 each and 6-8 singles @ $60 per night and it was open two or three other nights a week. Do the math.
Anyway... The hosts are the key. They should become friends with nearly everyone who comes through the door. It also helps if one of them is a great cook and can always present a spread of good food for the guests. A lot of mingling and memories happen around the food!
Would couples regularly pay $40 each weekend?
Many attendees found the club to be one hellava bargain @ $40. They got enough great food to make a nice meal and then more snacks all through the night. They were allowed to bring their own bottle(s) so the bartender could make them as many drinks as they wished with the supplied mixers, and on top of all that... they had incredible entertainment just being there, meeting people and enjoying the dance floor, whether they played with another couple or not. Couples commonly said if instead they went out for a typical night at a restaurant and a movie, the cost could easily be well beyond $100!
Final thoughts on hosts... they will need help running the club. Eva soon had a group of mature and confident couples and invited them to become part of their core group. If they agreed to be additional “eyes and ears” of the club, they got in free. However they usually had to agree to try to attend at least three weekends per month. It worked great and meant she always had a dozen or more mature people at their parties. Their presence alone helped attract and then be “the glue” that held a large group of new attendees together. She rewarded her core group with frequent special dinners and cookouts and weekend sun bathing where they could have fun eating her great food and then each other afterwards!
Here’s a special feature she stumbled upon... Her core group was more than happy to run the club for them one weekend a month allowing them time as a couple to get away from it all and prevent “host club burn-out.”
Venue
Almost equally important to having good hosts is the type of venue or facility you use. Here is what doesn’t work long term... any house in a residential area where dozens of parked cars in the street each weekend is going to attract attention and annoy neighbors. I’ve seen that destroy more than one great club over the years. Don’t even try it in town unless your club meets only once every few months.
If you want a long term successful club, you might want to look for a country setting near a large urban area. It doesn’t have to be as damn remote as Eddy and Eva’s place, but it should be off “the beaten path.” Ideally you would want a setting with road frontage that conceals the parking area. You don’t want passing traffic to notice 50-150 cars parked in some huge lawn!
One of the most successful clubs we’ve been to was almost an hour outside Orlando and nearly too far of a drive. However as with Eddy and Eva’s place, the remoteness made the guests feel more secure and the road frontage to their facility was completely wooded with the entrance drive curving through the trees so the road traffic had no clue there was a parking lot in there that could handle up to 200 cars!
The next venue issue is the building(s). Here’s what I’ve found most ideal. If you have one or more connected group meeting rooms where the bar is set up, tables and chairs are set up, where there’s a sexy dance floor, and maybe jacuzzis and pool tables/games... that all will facilitate casual mingling and space for new people to relax and observe. This central area is very important. It needs to be intimate, sexy, and non threatening in ways that encourage couples to connect with each other.
In addition, play bedrooms need to be available and the best set up we’ve seen was when those rooms were adjacent and as closely connected to the group room as possible. (Eva’s place was like that with four bedrooms connected to the party room.) Going outside some distance to out buildings tends to be intimidating and often kills the mood for new people. I’ve written about such a club like that in my “Swapping Fathers” story. Out buildings work best with experienced swingers, not newbies. For them, slipping into a bedroom which is only a few feet away from the party is pretty sexy and that close proximity encourages impulsive choices “to just do it!”
The problem comes when the parties grow, and the need for more play bedrooms increases. It is best to plan for that expansions right from the beginning. One club we know did that in a rather innovative way. They brought in used house trailers, gutted and connected them to the main building, forming a large square in back and creating an interesting courtyard in the middle.
[That courtyard became a large nude sun bathing deck during the daytimes.]
The connected trailers were beautifully decorated and internally designed to have partitioned play rooms every 10-12’ with only a sheer or opaque curtain across the front that could be drawn separating the room from the interior walkway. That allowed couples to choose if they wanted to play privately and pull the opaque curtain or leave only the sheer curtain pulled to allow voyeurs to watch from the hallway. Since that hallway traversed the entire loop of trailers, there was always quite a show to be seen and most couples that played in those rooms soon preferred that sheer semi secluded exhibitionist feel! Life-Stylers are voyeurs... Couples and singles loved to watch the action in the multiple rooms as they walked around the loop.
[Btw... with all those extra rooms, couples could elect to just spend the night at the club rather than drive back with alcohol in their system. That ended up being a modest “bed & breakfast” charge too!]
That setup of connected trailers was cheap to construct but also could be expanded easily, providing dozens of new play rooms and an expanding courtyard that eventually included a pool area! Weekend nude sunbathing soon became extremely popular and between charging for that, charging for the night parties, and the overnight stays... well, it all was quite lucrative...and very private...and believe it or not...you might have something like that in your area with no clue it exists!
Alternative Parties
What I’ve just described are several types of on-premise swing clubs that were commercially run. The variations to that style can be almost limitless. I’ve seen many types that use hotels for their parties where guests pay to get into the ballroom dance floor. If they connect with another couple and want to play, both couples go off to their hotel rooms.
Or it can be a group massage dinner party that is run at a hotel or at a nice home. We’ve had massage parties at both. A hotel is nice because it feels so neutral or non threatening to new people... and a bit safer to invite new people to versus your home. It’s also a great place to plan a romantic group dinner in the hotel restaurant. If you want to try that, look for a hotel that has some adjoining rooms you can rent for the party. Or better yet, a nice top floor penthouse suite. It’s usually perfect for parties.
A home massage party is more warm and intimate and better for a group that is experienced and familiar with each other. We have five massage beds here at the house, and two living rooms, each with a fireplace. It’s a very nice set up for incredible massage parties in the living rooms and if the intimacy needs more exploration than what can happen on a massage table...there’s also those bedrooms waiting!
I love massage parties.
Imagine spending an evening with great sexy friends, sharing a potluck meal where everyone brings their best dish and afterwards you all retire to a room that is incense infused, heated and only lit with a wonderful fire place... and everyone is ultimately massaged by multiple hands. Frankly... life doesn’t get much better than that!
Small private home parties are increasingly popular and are a great alternative to commercial clubs. Many experienced couples prefer a closed group of couples that play exclusively with each other and alternate homes for their parties, generally with no charge attached.
We’ve also seen parties emerge that are more specific by catering to different lifestyle expressions. Here in NC there are parties for Nudists that you can find on MeetUp. Or, BDSM, Gay or Lesbian, and in Orlando we attended great parties or dinners for Polyamorous couples.
The newest expression seems to be the party geared completely toward the retired crowd. (You will be amazed how many elderly women are sexually starved, but don’t really want or need a man 24/7.) Parties are a great way for gray singles to connect and some women I know have gone on to become “personal assistants” to very wealthy men in need of a variety of attentions... men who are willing to pay a woman well for their help.
If you are that kind of loving and open minded person, being a “personal assistant” could become a new income stream and you might even end up inheriting an entire estate! I have a friend who is doing just that. She has several guys that “love her” and claim they have no one to leave their estate to.
Doing it up in style
Maybe the most interesting home party I’ve run into was held monthly in arguably the most exclusive gated community in the Metro Orlando area. It was strictly an invitation only affair, lasted all weekend long, often with multiple live musicians, sexy massage therapists, and high end catering. I only knew about it because I dated the caterer. The home was well over 10k sqft with many bedrooms and baths, huge enclosed pool area... and the fee was $300-1000 for the weekend. You even arrived via their limo driver!
Legal Precautions
The regulations on swing parties vary greatly city to city and State to State. If you want to run a successful long term commercial party, find an adult friendly attorney in your city or State. There should be some already versed on how to do this safely.
However, the most important advice is this. From the beginning do things that DO NOT draw attention to your party. Parking is the biggest issue but so is noise, or allowing drug use on site. You need to be discreet on how you advertise your parties and you should advise your attendees to be discreet in how they speak of your parties... but the most important thing is how you select who attends. Never allow someone in before a lengthy discussion on the phone or in person.
In some cases it is legally best to make the club “a real club” that charges a yearly membership fee. Frank and Sharon (from story #11) learned this the hard way after having one of their clubs shut down that had 160 people attending in a prime neighborhood.
They now charge a membership fee of $80-100 per year plus the party fees. “A Membership Club” has its own set of legal protections. However, what really has made it work well was their interview and phone consultation. They get to know everyone prior to being allowed into their seminar (which was mandatory) and before being invited to a party. They never had problems with that set up and consequently have developed a very large and loyal club membership. It’s been a nice income for them for decades!
How do you recruit?
There are plenty of online groups and chat rooms where you can get to know people and start inviting them to your parties. Getting it started might be the hardest work you will put into this. It’s not difficult work but in the beginning it takes constant week long promotion. However... If you are reaching couples that are already lifestyle friendly, they will have friends that they will invite to come along.
I would suggest, start by creating your own MeetUp group which will give you access to interesting people looking for lifestyle parties and I would also create a profile on SLS (Swingers Life Style) and get to know people there. SLS even allows you to promote your own parties on the site. Eventually you will find couples and singles that will love that you are hosting parties.
Seminars
If you are gifted as a speaker, consider starting seminars that you can promote. Forty years ago an attorney and his lovely wife did just that in Central Florida... “Sensitivity Seminars.” Hundreds of new people were brought into the swinging lifestyle through his seminars and it happened right during the AIDS scare when everyone was terrified with having casual sex.
We went to a reunion of that group in 1995 and talked with dozens of couples there. My standard joke has always been to ask the husband how he let his wife drag him to some swing party. Of course it was absurd and funny because almost always, the man talks the woman into going. But not at that reunion. Every couple I tried that joke on had a wife that really had talked her husband into coming the first time. Why? Well the common response that night from the wife was something like this...
“I was at the hair dresser one day and my friend says to me... ‘You gotta bring your husband to the seminars we’ve been going to. They are telling him all the things I’ve wanted him to know for years...and he’s listening! I can’t believe the changes it’s made in our marriage!’ So I had to know what was going on with that. We went out for coffee and after I got over the shock of my friend swinging, I decided to go one Saturday... and the next week I damn sure brought my husband!”
What amazed me was the seminars were eight hours long! And when it was over, a team of club counselors met with the new couple and told them if THEY felt the two of them were ready to come to a party. If not, they had to come back for another seminar!
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Should you do this?
Absolutely, sorta, kinda... but especially if your motives are beyond just making money. If you do want to get started, you will have to find the expression that fits you best as a couple.
Before you begin, think this all through with your partner and go get some experience swinging if you haven’t already. Having a long range goal of running parties should make the adjustments you go through entering this life style much easier.
My conclusions
I’ve had some rather interesting debates/discussions with former colleagues about the sexual nature of “our work.” Ashley and I are still deeply spiritual people. However, we have come to understand how imbalanced you can be by overlooking or even worse denigrating sexuality. We see in Scripture that the order is “first the natural and then the spiritual.” Or, if you understand “chakras” then our argument is the two base chakras must not be blocked before any real balance and flow occurs. There is a huge mistake in thinking sexuality as something you should grow beyond as you mature. Nope. Sexuality is the key to everything higher and a source of power to everything else in life. Ignore it or denigrate it at your own peril.
We've come to believe, if you want to “fix problems”... start with sexuality. The catch is few people, no matter how educated they are, know how to do just that. So they ignore sexuality or they pretend to sort it out intellectually through discussions or consultations that can often go on for years! We believe the “sexual laboratory of swinging” can achieve faster and more “organic” results in just months!
And as a fun analogy...
Swinging is kinda like Bigfoot. As with swinging, most people believe Bigfoot is a joke. However, once you see one, you KNOW they exist.
Well... Since Ashley and I actually got into the swinging culture and SAW and EXPERIENCED... we KNOW the results. Few people will believe that until they start practicing “open sexuality.” And most people won’t do that or think they even can. Instead, they remain on the sidelines cracking jokes “about Bigfoot!”
Finally, if you have further questions or wish to consult with me on this, leave a message.
